I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
