well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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