I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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