Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
