I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
