If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
