Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
