OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
