I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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