I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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