he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
