i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
