Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
