He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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