are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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