we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just pee around me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
