she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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