May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
