Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
