we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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