Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
