somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
