remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
