Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
