True but thats because hes a fetus.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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