I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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