I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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