my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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