standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
MIDGETS
????
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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