It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
