i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
