maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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