I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
