im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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