Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
