guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
