Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
