Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
