just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
