Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
