I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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