I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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