who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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