my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
