Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
