i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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