I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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