so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
