He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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