toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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