Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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