Christians are straight up FREAKS
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
