Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
