i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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