Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
