I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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