The maid of honor just puked.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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