I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
