I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
