All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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