I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
