You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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