You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
