If i come over, it means nothing
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
