Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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