That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
