Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
false alarm, still single
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
