I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What drink are we having for lunch?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize