He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
