doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm too high and old for this...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
