He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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