I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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