that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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