Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize