2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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