girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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