Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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