the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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