You're completely useless in the revolution.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
