I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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