Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
