you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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