I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
