I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
