I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
