As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
