I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
