Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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