I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
