I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize