so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
