He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
