why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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