Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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