I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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