1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
