dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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