When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
