I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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