You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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