yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
