Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
